Knowledge is power but character is more

My dear Daughter, 

Knowledge is power but character is more.

If you are real smart, you won’t say and tell the world ”I am smart”, instead you will say ”I need to learn more”, be humble and kind-hearted. Stay down to earth but firm in your achievements.

If you are right, don’t judge and teach others how to behave or how to live their life, tolerate and respect others. Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it, not as reflection of their character but as a reflection of yours.

If you are wrong, apologize and admit it, heads up and learn from your mistakes, be brave and sincere. To have a big heart showed your greatest quality. 

If you don’t do what others have accused you, don’t be defensive or say something bad, it only shows your level of dignity, be a person with attitude and class. You may want to fight back, but don’t prove your unjust characterizations or false accusation by quick response. Allow the anger to subside, keep calm and control your emotion.

Don’t overbearing of everything you have, instead be delighted and grateful for what you’ve accomplished. Everything you have in this world is not completely yours. 

Be proud, but not arrogant.

Be encourage, but not envious.

Be inspired, but do not copy.

Be influenced, but do not steal.

I ain’t better than anybody. I ain’t say I’m always right. The truth, I’ve learned so much from you since the very beginning you were in my womb. Learn something good and throw everything bad from me. I’m not a perfect mother, but I promise I will try my best to be a good example for you.

About Spending and Saving #1

”Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving.’– Warren Buffet

Menabung. Satu arti kata yang penting apabila kita sudah mempunyai tanggung jawab, sudah menikah, sudah mempunyai anak. Terkadang, saat kita sudah bekerja dan masih single, kita bisa seenaknya menghabiskan gaji yang baru diterima di awal bulan, berfoya-foya sampai ketika di tengah bulan kita kaget melihat rekening sudah hampir habis, dan bokek di akhir bulan. Kita tidak ambil pusing dengan tidak adanya financial planning karena toh kita tidak punya tanggung jawab, tidak ada yang melarang kita mau beli ini-itu, ana-anu, semua yang kita sukai bebas kita beli, apapun itu semahal apapun itu, asal masih ada uang di rekening. Toh kita juga masih akan terima gaji lagi bulan depan.

Sayapun pernah menagalami fase itu. Euforia saat baru pertama kali terima gaji, bebas membeli apapun yang saya mau. Memang saya selalu menyisihkan uang untuk menabung dan membeli barang bernilai, tapi ternyata itu tidak cukup, karena tabungan saya hanya berapa persen dari total gaji saya. In the end, walaupun penghasilan saya lebih dari cukup, saving saya tidak terlalu banyak.

Suatu ketika, saya  membaca sebuah blog yang menceritakan bahwa betapa borosnya kita sebagai manusia perkotaan, never enough of everything we have, setiap melihat isi lemari selalu ada yang kurang-baju, sepatu, accesories, setiap melihat toko dengan brand favorit selalu ingin membeli, bahkan ketika niat hanya untuk window shopping pun selalu teringat-ingat dan ingin segera membeli. Betapa manusia selalu tidak pernah cukup.

Saya kemudian tersadar, betapa banyaknya barang saya yang jarang dipakai, hanya sekali dipakai, bahkan tidak pernah terpakai. Ketika melihat isi wardrobe, ternyata hanya itu-itu saja barang yang sering saya pakai. Setiap tahun saya memang sering melakukan ”cuci gudang” di mana saya memilah barang yang tetap saya simpan dan yang saya donasikan atau buang. Tapi ternyata, banyak sekali dari barang simpanan yang jarang saya pakai. Konsumtif sekali.

Walaupun kalau dibandingkan teman atau kolega, saya termasuk orang yang hemat dan jarang berbelanja barang mewah, tetap saja saya merasa begitu banyaknya barang yang saya punya. Entah kenapa saat itu saya merasa sebagai manusia saya terlalu berlebihan, beli ini-itu kadang tidak berguna, beli sesuatu yang tujuannya hanya untuk ‘‘self satisfaction” padahal tidak terlalu saya butuhkan. Seketika itu, saya merasa menyesal dan entah kenapa I feel sick, merasa bahwa saya harus berubah.

To Do list into a What Matters Most List

“Turn your To Do list into a What Matters Most List.” – Karen Salmansohn

We often take action with the aim to accomplish our To Do List. That is very human. Everyday we wake up to face a list of To Do Things, study, works, appointments, etc. This list is actually lead into something, to gain what matters in your life. Your goal is to graduate on time, you have the list how to study hard, to finish your assignments, to pass the exam, etc. Your goal is to achieve the top position in carrier you’ve always wanted, you have the list how to be the best at work among colleagues, to show your boss how valuable you are to the company, etc. Or whatever goal you have, will be followed by To do List.

It’s kind of hard to get motivated and actually take action from the list, takes every courage and first step to move. Like it said ”First step is always hard”. But we can start to change those To Do List become What Matters Most List. To think that the list we should do is the most matters in our life , change our perspective and point of view.

Settling into Motherhood

Big life changes can be scary, especially if you are just settling into motherhood. Pengalaman saya menjadi seorang ibu, begitu menakutkan tetapi sekaligus begitu indah. Begitu menakutkan karena pada awal sejak kehamilan, saya tidak tahu apa yang harus saya lakukan. Begitu indah karena saya rela menukar jiwa dan raga saya, hanya untuk Dia.

Menjadi ibu adalah hal yang didamba-dambakan hampir semua wanita. Belum terlintas di benak saya, akan secepat ini. Cepat yang kata kebanyakan orang di sekeliling, waktu saya adalah terlambat. Apapun  itu, ya, saya harus menghadapinya. Demi Dia.

Trimester pertama, saya lalui dengan penuh perjuangan, mual muntah berlebihan yang tidak pernah saya alami dalam hidup saya, tidak sanggup beraktivitas seperti biasa, menjadi seorang ringkih yang butuh bantuan orang lain. Tetapi saya menikmatinya. Trimester kedua dan ketiga, saya lalui dengan lebih baik. Berdekatan dengan suami dan menjalani hari-hari dengan Dia.

Mendekati waktu kelahiran Dia di dunia, saya cemas, dan tidak sabar menunggu. Bagaimana rupa Dia, apa yang harus saya lakukan untuk Dia, dan lain-lain.

Hingga tiba saatnya, kelahiran. Adalah moment yang sangat menakjubkan. It was magical moment I could not describe. My tears went down when I look into her eyes, not because I was sad, it was because I was too happy I finally met Her. Melihat mata indahnya, menggenggam jemari kecilnya, memeluk tubuh mungilnya, mencium wangi tubuhnya. What have I done, so that I deserve Her?

Hingga hari-hari setelahnya, saya sungguh tidak pernah membayangkan, akan seindah ini menjadi seorang ibu. Diantara sekian kerepotan dan kekesalan menjadi ibu, saya sangat menikmati. Terima kasih Tuhan, telah Kau berikan kami kesempatan, telah Kau titipkan Dia dalam rahimku, telah Kau percayakan Dia kepada kami untuk kami didik dan kami sayangi. Sungguh apapun rela kulakukan untuk Dia. My Kanaya.

Seorang Wanita di Halte Bus

“Aku tidak ingin kaya. Aku hanya ingin hidup. Aku ingin melihat banyak tempat. Aku ingin mendengar banyak suara. Aku ingin menghirup seribu satu bau kehidupan. Alangkah mengerikannya terpenjara di satu tempat. Alangkah menjemukannya. Alangkah memuakkan. Aku mesti pindah tempat setiap saat, meski cuma selangkah.”

(Seno Gumira Ajidarma)

Anak

Dan seorang perempuan yang menggendong bayi dalam dekapan dadanya berkata; Bicaralah pada kami perihal Anak.

Dan dia berkata:

Anakmu bukanlah anakmu
Mereka putra-putri kehidupan yang rindu akan dirinya sendiri
Mereka datang melalui engkau tapi bukan dari engkau
Dan walau mereka ada bersamamu tapi mereka bukan kepunyaanmu

Kau dapat memberi mereka cinta-kasihmu tapi tidak pikiranmu
Sebab mereka memiliki pikirannya sendiri
Kau bisa merumahkan tubuhnya tapi tidak jiwanya
Sebab jiwa mereka bermukim di rumah masa depan, yang tiada dapat kausambangi, bahkan tidak dalam impian-impianmu

Kau boleh berusaha menjadi seumpama mereka, tapi jangan berusaha membuat mereka seperti dirimu
Sebab kehidupan tiada surut ke belakang, pun tiada tinggal bersama hari kemarin
Engkaulah busur dan anak-anakmulah anak panah yang meluncur

Sang Pemanah membidik tanda sasaran di atas jalan nan tiada terhingga, dan Dia menekukkan engkau dengan kekuasaan-Nya agar anak panah-Nya dapat melesat cepat dan jauh

Meliuklah dengan riang di tangan Sang Pemanah

Sebab sebagaimana Dia mengasihi anak panah yang melesat, demikian pula Dia mengasihi busur nan mantap

(Kahlil Gibran)

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill. When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smile, but you have to sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit. Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns. As every one of us sometimes learns. And many a failure turns about. When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than. It seems to a faint and faltering man. Often the struggler has given up. When he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late when the night slipped down. How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out. The silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And you never can tell how close you are. It may be near when it seems so far. So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit. It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

If you’re going to fall in love with me

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, and my tendency to jump to conclusions. You fall in love with my troubled past, my unrealistic hopes and dreams, and the fact that I seriously believe they could come true. You fall in love with my wild temper, my illogical thought process, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, despite my feminist views.

If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate, all my imperfections, and my perception that nobody could ever love me. You fall in love with the history that has caused me to think this way. But you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just to tell you I hope you have a great day, and at night, to wish you sweet dreams. You’re falling in love with the occasionally thought-provoking things I say, and the silly things I do in an attempt to see you smile. You are falling in love with the way I blush when people ask me about you, and how I’ll hold your hand, even if we’re fighting. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me.

If you’re going to fall in love with me, don’t fall in love with my Sunday best, don’t fall in love with the way I look after spending hours getting ready, or my fakest smile or freshly done hair. Fall in love with my body, the way it widens quite a lot around my hips, and how I will never have that perfect figure, and how I honestly don’t really care.

Fall in love with my impatience, my jealous, moods, and the times that I don’t feel anything at all. And fall in love with how sometimes I act like a child, whilst other times I can be the most mature. Fall in love with my scars, my marks, and all the things that makes me far less than perfect And fall in love with every part of me, both good and bad, and especially with all that I consider a flaw. Fall in love with me as a whole or don’t fall in love with me at all.

Teman Hidup

So you too met and feel in love and resolved to spend your lives together. But at what level? Just short of living together, going through the days, not really connecting, isn’t good enough. You have to have passion for your life together. Your partner isn’t just there for someone to chat to when you get a bit fed up and want some company. Being together has to be a strong bond, a common sharing experience, a dream-fulfilling romance that carries you both along. You have to make the effort. You have to stay awake, in touch, in tune. You have to share dreams and goals and ambitions and plans. You have to have passion for being with each other. You are dedicating your life to someone else’s happiness in a way, and that requires focus, strength, passion, drive, enthusiasm, and effort. You have to really care, to still be in love, to want your partner to be fulfilled, successful, happy, complete.

(Rules #59, The Rules Of Life – Richard Templar)

Teman Hidup