Rule #34

People will behave oddly. Things will go unexpectedly wrong or right. People don’t always make sense. Life doesn’t always make sense. Let it go and discover the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you’ll never understand everything. Sometimes it just is.

(Richard Templar – The Rules Of Life)

 “When you have problems face it! Don’t facebook it! ” – Unknown

“Life is hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.” – John Wayne

What’s belong to you will come to you..

Saat situasi terlalu carut marut, di mana seakan-akan semua hal nggak ada yang beres. Saat lo percaya kalo semua bakalan baik-baik aja, suddenly hal yang paling berharga yang lo punya hilang dari genggaman. Saat lo ngerasa yang lo lakuin nggak ada yang salah, tapi terasa ada yang pointing finger. Saat faith yang tertanam di diri lo untuk seseorang yang paling lo percaya, seketika terkoyak, karena lo nggak nyangka bahwa dia tega. Kebohongan demi kebaikan dan menyakiti beda tipis, saat lo dalam keadaan terjepit, saat lo bertindak tanpa logika dan tanpa perasaan.

Saat semua yang lo bangun terlihat hanya seperti sampah. Saat lo nggak bisa terima kalo lo cuma bisa diam, cuma bisa pasrah, cuma bisa nunggu, karena seluruh daya dan upaya nggak ada yang tersisa. Semua terasa jauh, nggak bisa lo gapai, karena keterbatasan yang lo nggak bisa apa-apain. Saat lo ngerasa ngadepin kekacauan itu sendiri dan lo harus pura-pura semua baik-baik aja, lo dipaksa harus berani, you have to be strong, like or dislike.

Saat lo pikir mimpi yang akan lo wujudkan dan lo perjuangkan sejak lama tinggal sejengkal lagi, all of sudden semua terlihat abstrak, nggak jelas arah tujuannya. Lo istilahnya udah jungkir balik buat fight apa yang lo pikir jalan terbaik buat hidup lo. Lo juga nggak hentinya berdoa dan berharap pertolongan-Nya untuk melancarkan setiap langkah yang lo tempuh. Lo udah mati-matian survive diantara hujatan dan cibiran, demi mempertahankan apa yang lo yakini. Lo nggak bisa nyalahin keadaan, orang lain, apalagi Tuhan. Lo cuma bisa nyalahin diri lo. Tapi lo juga nggak bisa terlalu lama meratapi penyesalan, karena lo tau semakin lo terlihat hancur semakin kenceng mereka tertawa.

Di titik itu, lo udah nggak bisa bilang “Gue give up”. Lo udah nggak bisa mundur. Lo harus fasih yang namanya nelen ludah, ngusap dada, dan tarik balik air mata. Di titik itu lo akhirnya cuman bisa bilang “Dunia memang kejam tapi semesta nggak pernah jahat, pertolongan-Nya selalu ada bahkan tanpa gue sadari.. Apa yang udah digariskan akan tetap terjadi, dengan cara apapun.. Ada hal yang memang nggak bisa dipaksakan, walau semudah apapun itu untuk diselesaikan.. Semua udah ada jalannya, masing-masing udah ada porsinya.. Karena sekusut apapun keadaan, sesakit apapun kenyataan, seabsurd apapun kehidupan, sejauh apapun impian, what’s belong to you will come to you..”

You just need to have faith.

Big people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about other people.

Never let anybody’s opinion define who you are. Be free, let go.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Sometimes you have to smile, and act like everything is okay, hold back the tears and walk away.

Self Note

Jangan pernah menyalahkan siapapun, Tuhan, alam, manusia.

Atau apapun, lingkungan, keadaan, kenyataan.

Kalau memang perlu ada yang dipersalahkan, itu adalah dirimu sendiri.

You thought me everything.

How to be strong , to stand on my own feet, to chase my dream.

How to survive, to fight in life, to forgive people when they hurt you.

Thank you is never enough.

I love you, Mom. Eventhough we are thousand miles away, but my heart always near you.


Perfect in imperfection

I’ve gone through times when I really didn’t feel good inside about myself.
I used to push myself as perfect as everyone thought.
I used to not accept the side of me in imperfection.

I hated everything untidy.
I checked every single thing many times to not let any chance of making tiny hole.
I kept unfinished things so long to wait until everything in the version of my perfection.
I was so hard to handle and made things complicated.
I kept thinking about what has happened and mistakes I’ve done that I should have not done.
I felt worry about the future and how things would be.

I used to think that the way to be strong was to be though.
I used to think the way to be independent was to not need anyone.
I pretend to be strong, in fact that I was not.
I pretend to be independent, in fact that I felt lonely and needed help.

I have been hoped that nothing would have failed.
I have been thought that everyone would see me in a way I hoped they would have seen me.
I have been down so deep and no one pulled me back.
I missed my life, in fact I missed myself.

You’ve changed my point of view on how it should be to love myself.
You’ve showed me on how to not worry about what other people think about me.

”Nothing is wrong to be not perfect, fix it as you go.
The world will not be going to end, everything’s gonna be great.. not just ok.
Nothing to worry as long as I’m with you.”

You made me realize that I am perfect just the way I am.
Thank you for showing me your version of perfection.

A little prayer

My good Lord. I know life is hard. And I can’t force You to give the light all the time. There will somehow a phase of darkness, may be once, twice, many times. But before You cut the light out, please make sure that I’m ready to face it. I will try to never waste my time begging and crying. Because I know You know what’s best.

My good Lord. I’m not a perfect person. I got mad. I made mistakes. I screwed many things. I forget You, sometimes. I’ve hurt soul, accidentally or with purpose. I left traces of sins.

My good Lord. You and I, we are personal. I don’t need people to know that I praise You. I don’t need to show how religious I am and how much faith I have in You. I don’t care if they judge me right or wrong, agree or disagree, believe or underestimate. Those are not the reason I talk to You.

My good Lord. I am only human. But I’ll try to be the one who You’d expect. You know that You’re always there in my veins.

My good Lord. Please save me from myself.