If you’re going to fall in love with me

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, and my tendency to jump to conclusions. You fall in love with my troubled past, my unrealistic hopes and dreams, and the fact that I seriously believe they could come true. You fall in love with my wild temper, my illogical thought process, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, despite my feminist views.

If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate, all my imperfections, and my perception that nobody could ever love me. You fall in love with the history that has caused me to think this way. But you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just to tell you I hope you have a great day, and at night, to wish you sweet dreams. You’re falling in love with the occasionally thought-provoking things I say, and the silly things I do in an attempt to see you smile. You are falling in love with the way I blush when people ask me about you, and how I’ll hold your hand, even if we’re fighting. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me.

If you’re going to fall in love with me, don’t fall in love with my Sunday best, don’t fall in love with the way I look after spending hours getting ready, or my fakest smile or freshly done hair. Fall in love with my body, the way it widens quite a lot around my hips, and how I will never have that perfect figure, and how I honestly don’t really care.

Fall in love with my impatience, my jealous, moods, and the times that I don’t feel anything at all. And fall in love with how sometimes I act like a child, whilst other times I can be the most mature. Fall in love with my scars, my marks, and all the things that makes me far less than perfect And fall in love with every part of me, both good and bad, and especially with all that I consider a flaw. Fall in love with me as a whole or don’t fall in love with me at all.

Teman Hidup

So you too met and feel in love and resolved to spend your lives together. But at what level? Just short of living together, going through the days, not really connecting, isn’t good enough. You have to have passion for your life together. Your partner isn’t just there for someone to chat to when you get a bit fed up and want some company. Being together has to be a strong bond, a common sharing experience, a dream-fulfilling romance that carries you both along. You have to make the effort. You have to stay awake, in touch, in tune. You have to share dreams and goals and ambitions and plans. You have to have passion for being with each other. You are dedicating your life to someone else’s happiness in a way, and that requires focus, strength, passion, drive, enthusiasm, and effort. You have to really care, to still be in love, to want your partner to be fulfilled, successful, happy, complete.

(Rules #59, The Rules Of Life – Richard Templar)

Teman Hidup


Rule #68

Never be too busy for loved ones.

It is very easy in the rush of living to overlook people close to us. I have people who are very special, very close to me and I forget to phone, forget to stay in touch. Not because I don’t care but because I am too busy. Unforgivable. Every now and then I’ll complain that I haven’t heard from him/her. But of course it is me not staying in touch just as much as it is. We have to make time, because if we don’t, time slips past so fast that a few days become weeks, and then months, and then years are added on before we know it.

No matter how busy your life is, you have to make time. You have to make quality time for all those around you to whom you make a difference. Those that love you get repaid in time – it’s a fair exchange. They love you and you give them something of yourself, something precious. Your time and your attention. And you do this willingly, not as a chore. You do this with dedication and commitment and wholehearted enthusiasm. There is no point spending quality time with your loved ones, for example, and using that time to catch up on work or read the paper. You have to be there entirely for him/her or they’ll know your attention is elsewhere and they’ll feel cheated. One day, he/she might not be there – and then you will so desperately wish you’d actually listened. But then it’ll be too late. So make time for the people who matter – today.

(Richard Templar – The Rules of Life)


Rule #34

People will behave oddly. Things will go unexpectedly wrong or right. People don’t always make sense. Life doesn’t always make sense. Let it go and discover the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you’ll never understand everything. Sometimes it just is.

(Richard Templar – The Rules Of Life)

What’s belong to you will come to you..

Saat situasi terlalu carut marut, di mana seakan-akan semua hal nggak ada yang beres. Saat lo percaya kalo semua bakalan baik-baik aja, suddenly hal yang paling berharga yang lo punya hilang dari genggaman. Saat lo ngerasa yang lo lakuin nggak ada yang salah, tapi terasa ada yang pointing finger. Saat faith yang tertanam di diri lo untuk seseorang yang paling lo percaya, seketika terkoyak, karena lo nggak nyangka bahwa dia tega. Kebohongan demi kebaikan dan menyakiti beda tipis, saat lo dalam keadaan terjepit, saat lo bertindak tanpa logika dan tanpa perasaan.

Saat semua yang lo bangun terlihat hanya seperti sampah. Saat lo nggak bisa terima kalo lo cuma bisa diam, cuma bisa pasrah, cuma bisa nunggu, karena seluruh daya dan upaya nggak ada yang tersisa. Semua terasa jauh, nggak bisa lo gapai, karena keterbatasan yang lo nggak bisa apa-apain. Saat lo ngerasa ngadepin kekacauan itu sendiri dan lo harus pura-pura semua baik-baik aja, lo dipaksa harus berani, you have to be strong, like or dislike.

Saat lo pikir mimpi yang akan lo wujudkan dan lo perjuangkan sejak lama tinggal sejengkal lagi, all of sudden semua terlihat abstrak, nggak jelas arah tujuannya. Lo istilahnya udah jungkir balik buat fight apa yang lo pikir jalan terbaik buat hidup lo. Lo juga nggak hentinya berdoa dan berharap pertolongan-Nya untuk melancarkan setiap langkah yang lo tempuh. Lo udah mati-matian survive diantara hujatan dan cibiran, demi mempertahankan apa yang lo yakini. Lo nggak bisa nyalahin keadaan, orang lain, apalagi Tuhan. Lo cuma bisa nyalahin diri lo. Tapi lo juga nggak bisa terlalu lama meratapi penyesalan, karena lo tau semakin lo terlihat hancur semakin kenceng mereka tertawa.

Di titik itu, lo udah nggak bisa bilang “Gue give up”. Lo udah nggak bisa mundur. Lo harus fasih yang namanya nelen ludah, ngusap dada, dan tarik balik air mata. Di titik itu lo akhirnya cuman bisa bilang “Dunia memang kejam tapi semesta nggak pernah jahat, pertolongan-Nya selalu ada bahkan tanpa gue sadari.. Apa yang udah digariskan akan tetap terjadi, dengan cara apapun.. Ada hal yang memang nggak bisa dipaksakan, walau semudah apapun itu untuk diselesaikan.. Semua udah ada jalannya, masing-masing udah ada porsinya.. Karena sekusut apapun keadaan, sesakit apapun kenyataan, seabsurd apapun kehidupan, sejauh apapun impian, what’s belong to you will come to you..”

You just need to have faith.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Sometimes you have to smile, and act like everything is okay, hold back the tears and walk away.

At that moment

And at that moment, somewhere off in the distance, when all we could see only beautiful.

At that moment, at the long hours of tenderness, when you and I are one.

At that moment, summer in Paris, 2011.

I Miss You

I miss traveling wherever near and far away. I miss watching sunset from the beach. I miss watching snow while drinking Glühwein. I miss eating chicken wings while watching The Big Bang Theory or Misfits. I miss talking face to face, discussing about everything, and arguing hard topics until we get headache. I miss laughing until we get stomachache. I miss lying on the grass and seeing the sky. I miss swimming and snorkeling in the white sandy beach. I miss taking pictures in every places, every city, every country.

With you.